“If I Were You” is a one-act play written by Douglas James, included in the ASSEB Class 9 English textbook Beehive (Chapter 11). The play is a gripping thriller that revolves around Gerrard, a playwright who lives alone in a cottage, and an intruder who enters his home with a gun, planning to murder him and steal his identity. Through remarkable wit, calm composure, and clever deception, Gerrard turns the tables on the intruder and has him locked in a cupboard. The play demonstrates that intelligence and presence of mind can defeat even armed criminals, making it one of the most engaging chapters in the ASSEB Class 9 English syllabus.
Summary of If I Were You
The play opens in Gerrard’s isolated cottage. Gerrard is a playwright who lives a secretive life — he gives orders over the phone, does not interact with tradespeople in person, and sometimes disappears and reappears suddenly. One evening, while Gerrard is on the phone preparing for a rehearsal, an armed intruder enters his cottage.
The intruder is a criminal wanted for jewel robbery and murder. He has been carefully studying Gerrard’s life and has noticed that Gerrard is a “mystery man” — someone of similar build and appearance whose identity can easily be taken over. The intruder’s plan is simple: he will kill Gerrard, assume his identity, and live safely, evading the police who are after him. He tells Gerrard bluntly, “I’m going to kill you and take your identity.”
The intruder boasts that he has already committed murder and cannot be hanged twice, so killing Gerrard carries no additional risk for him. However, Gerrard shows no fear. He remains cool, confident, and even humorous throughout — a quality that bewilders and frustrates the intruder, who warns him, “You’ll soon stop being smart.”
Gerrard, thinking quickly, convinces the intruder that he too is a wanted criminal — a fugitive living undercover. He explains that his mysterious lifestyle (the phone orders, the packed bags, the sudden disappearances) is because he is constantly on the run from the police. He tells the intruder that if he takes his identity, he will not be safe at all — instead, he will be walking straight into a police trap. Gerrard says, “A mystery I propose to explain.” He describes how the police are already on their way to the cottage and that he was about to escape through a side door when the intruder arrived.
Gerrard urges the intruder to look through the side door to confirm that the police are indeed coming. The intruder, now half-convinced, approaches the door — which is actually a cupboard. Gerrard seizes the moment, pushes the intruder inside, and locks the cupboard door. The intruder is trapped. Gerrard then calmly phones the police to come and collect the intruder, remarking wittily, “I think I’ll put it in my next play.”
The play ends with Gerrard victorious, having outwitted a dangerous armed criminal using nothing but his intelligence and quick thinking. The story shows that a calm mind and clever words are more powerful than a gun.
Thinking about the Text
Q1. “At last a sympathetic audience.” Who says this? Why does he say it? Is he sarcastic or serious?
Answer: Gerrard says this line. He says it when the intruder orders him to tell him about himself and his lifestyle. Gerrard is being deeply sarcastic, not serious at all. The intruder is far from sympathetic — he has entered Gerrard’s cottage with a gun and intends to kill him. By calling the intruder “a sympathetic audience,” Gerrard is using irony: the very person who wants to murder him is mockingly called sympathetic. This sarcasm reveals Gerrard’s wit and his ability to remain calm and even humorous under extreme pressure. The remark also shows that Gerrard is a playwright at heart — always thinking of an audience.
Q2. Why does the intruder choose Gerrard as the person whose identity he wants to take on?
Answer: The intruder chooses Gerrard for several reasons. First, Gerrard is physically similar to the intruder in build and appearance, making it easy to pass off as him. Second, Gerrard lives a mysterious and secretive life — he gives orders over the phone, does not meet tradespeople in person, and sometimes disappears suddenly and returns without explanation. This mysterious lifestyle means that if the intruder took on Gerrard’s identity, he could continue the same secretive existence without arousing suspicion. The intruder believes Gerrard is the perfect person to “become” — someone who already lives like a man with something to hide, and whose sudden absence would not raise any immediate alarm.
Q3. “I said it with bullets.” Who says this? What does it mean? Is it true?
Answer: Gerrard says this line. It means that on one occasion, he “said goodbye” to someone — in other words, he killed a person — using bullets rather than words. Gerrard says this as part of the elaborate false story he concocts to convince the intruder that he (Gerrard) is also a fugitive criminal, just as dangerous and desperate as the intruder. It is not true. Gerrard is a playwright, not a murderer. He fabricates the entire story of being an on-the-run criminal to make the intruder believe that assuming his identity would be dangerous rather than beneficial. The bluff is brilliantly effective, and this line in particular makes Gerrard seem authentically dangerous to the intruder.
Q4. What is Gerrard’s profession? Quote the parts of the play that support your answer.
Answer: Gerrard is a playwright — a writer of plays for the theatre. Several parts of the play support this. When the intruder first enters, Gerrard is on the phone and says, “Sorry, I can’t let you have the props in time for rehearsal.” This shows he is dealing with theatrical matters. Later, when the intruder asks about his bag, Gerrard explains it as preparation for escape — but the bag also contains props. After outwitting the intruder and trapping him in the cupboard, Gerrard picks up the phone and says wittily, “I think I’ll put it in my next play” — meaning the whole incident will be material for a new play. The intruder also notices Gerrard’s eccentric manners and calls him “a queer fellow,” which fits a creative, artistic personality. Gerrard’s cool, theatrical use of language throughout the play also reflects his profession as a dramatist.
Q5. “You’ll soon stop being smart.” Is this said seriously or as a joke? What does it tell us about the speaker?
Answer: This is said seriously by the intruder. He is frustrated and angered by Gerrard’s unruffled composure and quick-witted responses. Despite holding a gun and having Gerrard at his mercy, the intruder finds it unsettling that his victim shows no fear and keeps making clever, ironic remarks instead of trembling. The intruder warns Gerrard that a bullet will put an end to his smartness, implying that he will shoot him if Gerrard does not stop his witty responses and start cooperating seriously. This statement tells us that the intruder, though physically threatening and initially confident, is not equipped to handle a battle of wits. He relies on brute force and intimidation rather than intelligence, which ultimately leads to his downfall when Gerrard outsmarts him completely.
Thinking about Language
I. Irony in the Play
Irony is a figure of speech in which the actual meaning is the opposite of the literal meaning. Douglas James uses irony extensively through Gerrard’s dialogue to create humour and show his wit even in a life-threatening situation. Study the following ironic expressions from the play:
| Ironic Expression | Literal Meaning | Actual / Ironic Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| “At last a sympathetic audience.” | Someone sympathetic is listening to him | The intruder is anything but sympathetic — he wants to kill Gerrard |
| “You have been so modest.” | The intruder has been modest and reserved | The intruder has been boastful and has volunteered a lot of information about himself |
| “Touching — but not, I fear, very probable.” | It seems true and likely | Gerrard does not believe the intruder’s story at all |
| “With you figuring so largely in it, that is understandable.” | Of course such a plan would interest him | Sarcastically suggesting it is natural that a murder plot involving oneself would be of interest |
II. Word Choice — Choose the Correct Word
From the Thinking about Language section of the NCERT textbook, choose the correct word from each pair to complete the sentences:
1. The _____ of the accident was ghastly. (site/cite)
Answer: The site of the accident was ghastly. (Site means a location or place; cite means to quote or refer to.)
2. Our college _____ is very strict. (principal/principle)
Answer: Our college principal is very strict. (Principal refers to the head of an institution; principle refers to a rule or belief.)
3. I studied _____ for eight hours. (continuously/continually)
Answer: I studied continuously for eight hours. (Continuously means without any break; continually means repeatedly with breaks in between.)
4. The fog had an adverse _____ on traffic. (effect/affect)
Answer: The fog had an adverse effect on traffic. (Effect is a noun meaning result; affect is a verb meaning to influence.)
5. Cezanne was a brilliant _____. (artist/artiste)
Answer: Cezanne was a brilliant artist. (Artist refers to a person skilled in fine arts; artiste usually refers to a professional entertainer like a singer or actor.)
6. The book is an extraordinary _____ of genres. (collage/college)
Answer: The book is an extraordinary collage of genres. (Collage means an artistic mixture or combination; college is an educational institution.)
7. Our school will _____ an exhibition. (host/hoist)
Answer: Our school will host an exhibition. (Host means to organise or hold an event; hoist means to raise or lift something.)
8. _____ well before using. (shake/shape)
Answer: Shake well before using. (Shake means to move briskly from side to side; shape means form or to mould.)
Additional Questions and Answers
Short Answer Questions
Q1. Who is the author of “If I Were You”?
Answer: “If I Were You” is written by Douglas James. It is a one-act play included in the ASSEB Class 9 English textbook Beehive.
Q2. What is Gerrard’s full name?
Answer: Gerrard’s full name is Vincent Charles Gerrard, as revealed during the play.
Q3. Why is the intruder wanted by the police?
Answer: The intruder is wanted by the police for two crimes: jewel robbery and murder. He is a hardened criminal who has been on the run and is desperate to find a new identity to escape justice.
Q4. What does the intruder mean when he says “They can’t hang me twice”?
Answer: The intruder means that since he has already committed murder, which is punishable by death (hanging), killing Gerrard would not make his legal situation any worse. He is already facing the maximum possible punishment, so one more murder carries no additional consequence for him. This makes him a particularly dangerous threat to Gerrard.
Q5. What does Gerrard mean by “A mystery I propose to explain”?
Answer: With this line, Gerrard begins his cleverly constructed false story. He proposes to explain why he lives such a mysterious life — giving orders only by phone, never meeting people in person, keeping a packed bag ready, and disappearing suddenly. He “explains” that he too is a fugitive criminal living undercover, constantly ready to flee from the police. This fabricated explanation is designed to convince the intruder that assuming his identity would be foolish and dangerous rather than a smart escape plan.
Q6. What is in Gerrard’s bag? Why does Gerrard always keep a bag packed?
Answer: Gerrard’s bag contains props needed for his work as a playwright — items required for theatrical rehearsals. However, in his false story to the intruder, Gerrard claims the bag is packed because he is a criminal always ready to flee from the police at a moment’s notice. The real reason is professional (theatrical props), but Gerrard cleverly uses the bag as part of his deception to make the intruder believe his fake criminal story.
Q7. How does Gerrard trick the intruder into the cupboard?
Answer: Gerrard tells the intruder that the police are already approaching the cottage and that there is an escape route through a side door. He urges the intruder to look through this “door” to confirm the police are coming. The “door” is actually a cupboard. When the intruder leans in to look, Gerrard pushes him inside and locks the cupboard door, trapping the armed intruder. Gerrard then calls the police to come and arrest the intruder.
Q8. What does the line “This is your big surprise” mean? Who says it, and when?
Answer: The phrase “This is your big surprise” appears twice in the play. The intruder first uses it when he reveals to Gerrard his plan to kill him and steal his identity — the “big surprise” being that Gerrard is about to be murdered. Gerrard later uses the same phrase when he turns the tables on the intruder, revealing that the situation is reversed — the intruder is about to be trapped and handed over to the police. The repetition is ironic and highlights Gerrard’s theatrical wit.
Q9. How does the intruder describe Gerrard?
Answer: The intruder describes Gerrard as a “mystery man” — someone who is reclusive, gives orders only over the phone, sometimes disappears suddenly and returns just as suddenly, does not meet tradespeople face to face, and lives alone. The intruder also calls him “a queer fellow” because of his unusual, unafraid behaviour even when facing a loaded gun.
Q10. What qualities does Gerrard display throughout the play?
Answer: Gerrard displays remarkable intelligence, calm composure, quick thinking, and a dry sense of humour. He shows no fear even when held at gunpoint. He is witty and sarcastic, using irony to maintain psychological control over the situation. He is also creative and resourceful, constructing a convincing false story on the spot. These qualities reflect his nature as a playwright — someone who is always thinking of narratives and outcomes. His coolness under pressure ultimately saves his life.
Long Answer Questions
Q1. Describe Gerrard’s plan to escape the intruder. How does he succeed?
Answer: When the armed intruder enters his cottage and reveals his plan to kill Gerrard and take his identity, Gerrard does not panic. Instead, he begins to think calmly and construct a plan. He first allows the intruder to speak freely, gathering information while appearing cooperative. Then, using his dramatic instincts, he creates an elaborate false story: he claims that he too is a fugitive criminal living undercover, that the police are already closing in on his cottage, and that he was about to escape through a side door at the very moment the intruder arrived. He uses props like his packed bag as evidence for this fake story, and points out that a bag packed for escape is exactly what a man on the run would keep.
Gerrard then tells the intruder that if he wants to use the escape route, he must look through the side door to check if the police are there. The intruder, now half-convinced by Gerrard’s story and tempted by the idea of an escape route, approaches the door — which is actually a cupboard. The moment the intruder leans in to look, Gerrard pushes him inside and locks the door. The armed intruder is now trapped helplessly in the cupboard. Gerrard then phones the police to come and collect him. His plan succeeds entirely because of his ability to think clearly, speak convincingly, and act at precisely the right moment.
Q2. What does the play “If I Were You” teach us? Discuss its central theme.
Answer: The central theme of “If I Were You” is the triumph of intelligence over brute force. The play shows that a calm, thinking mind is a far more powerful weapon than a gun. Gerrard, though unarmed and physically at the mercy of an armed criminal, never loses his composure. By staying calm and using his wit, he turns a seemingly hopeless situation to his complete advantage.
The play also explores the theme of identity. The intruder’s plan is to literally “become” another person — to steal Gerrard’s identity and live as him. This raises questions about what identity truly is. The intruder believes identity is just appearance and lifestyle, something that can be stolen. But the play shows that true identity is more than that — it is intelligence, character, and inner strength, qualities the intruder entirely lacks.
A third theme is the power of language and storytelling. Gerrard, as a playwright, uses words masterfully. He constructs a story so convincing that an armed criminal believes it. The play suggests that a storyteller’s greatest tool is narrative — and in the right hands, a story can be as powerful as a weapon. The lesson for students is clear: cultivate your mind, stay calm under pressure, and never underestimate the power of intelligence and quick thinking.
Q3. Write a character sketch of Gerrard and the Intruder. How are they similar and different?
Answer: Gerrard is a playwright who lives alone in an isolated cottage. He is witty, intelligent, calm, and confident. Even when confronted by an armed intruder, he does not show fear. He uses sarcasm and irony to maintain psychological control of the situation. He is creative and resourceful, able to invent a convincing false story on the spot. He is also observant — he quickly understands the intruder’s plan and figures out how to counter it. His theatrical background gives him a natural ability to construct narratives and deliver them convincingly. He is the hero of the play — a man who defeats crime not with violence but with his mind.
The Intruder is a criminal wanted for jewel robbery and murder. He is described as smart-looking, well-dressed in flashy clothes, and initially confident and threatening. He has carefully researched Gerrard’s lifestyle before arriving at the cottage. He believes his plan is foolproof. However, despite his physical confidence and armed advantage, he lacks the mental agility to match Gerrard. He is easily deceived by Gerrard’s false story, showing that his intelligence is limited. He relies on threats and fear, and when these do not work on Gerrard, he is left without recourse.
Similarities: Both are described as physically similar in appearance — this is precisely why the intruder chooses Gerrard. Both are also confident and quick to speak. Both are men who live by their wits to some degree — Gerrard as a playwright, the intruder as a criminal who has survived on the run.
Differences: Gerrard uses his intelligence constructively and honestly (in his professional life) and cleverly in self-defence. The intruder uses his cunning for crime. Gerrard remains calm throughout; the intruder grows frustrated and confused. Most importantly, Gerrard succeeds by outsmarting his opponent, while the intruder fails completely despite having the physical advantage of a weapon.
Q4. How does Douglas James use humour in a serious, life-threatening situation in “If I Were You”?
Answer: Douglas James creates a darkly comic tone by placing a witty, sophisticated playwright in an absurd, dangerous situation — held at gunpoint in his own cottage — and having him respond with irony and humour rather than terror. This contrast between the gravity of the situation (a planned murder) and Gerrard’s light, sarcastic responses generates both comedy and dramatic tension.
Gerrard’s very first response to the intruder’s demand for personal information is, “At last a sympathetic audience” — a deeply ironic remark that immediately establishes his character as someone who refuses to be intimidated. When he describes how he would “say goodbye” to people with bullets, he delivers it with the same theatrical detachment with which he might describe a plot point in one of his plays. The intruder grows increasingly frustrated because Gerrard treats a murder threat as if it were a script discussion.
The humour also arises from the reversal of power. The intruder arrives with all the physical advantages — a gun, a plan, and the element of surprise — yet ends up locked in a cupboard. The final line, “I think I’ll put it in my next play,” delivered by Gerrard as he phones the police, is the perfect comic conclusion: Gerrard has not only survived but has already mentally filed the incident as material for his art. Douglas James uses this humour to show that intelligence, not weapons, is the true source of power.
Multiple Choice Questions (MCQ)
Q1. Who is the author of “If I Were You”?
(a) Vikram Seth
(b) Douglas James
(c) A.P.J. Abdul Kalam
(d) R.K. Narayan
Answer: (b) Douglas James
Q2. What is Gerrard’s full name?
(a) Bill Gerrard
(b) William Gerrard
(c) Henry Gerrard
(d) Vincent Charles Gerrard
Answer: (d) Vincent Charles Gerrard
Q3. What crime is the intruder primarily wanted for?
(a) Theft
(b) Fraud
(c) Murder
(d) Kidnapping
Answer: (c) Murder
Q4. What is the intruder’s speciality before the murder?
(a) Fraud
(b) Kidnapping
(c) Jewel robbery
(d) Burglary
Answer: (c) Jewel robbery
Q5. What weapon does the intruder carry?
(a) Knife
(b) Iron rod
(c) Revolver / Gun
(d) No weapon
Answer: (c) Revolver / Gun
Q6. What is Gerrard’s profession?
(a) Doctor
(b) Playwright / Dramatist
(c) Teacher
(d) Journalist
Answer: (b) Playwright / Dramatist
Q7. Who says “At last a sympathetic audience”?
(a) The intruder
(b) The police sergeant
(c) Gerrard
(d) A visitor
Answer: (c) Gerrard
Q8. How does Gerrard finally trap the intruder?
(a) He shoots him
(b) He knocks him unconscious
(c) He locks him in a cupboard
(d) He ties him to a chair
Answer: (c) He locks him in a cupboard
Q9. Why does the intruder say “They can’t hang me twice”?
(a) He is joking about the law
(b) He has already been sentenced to death for murder, so another killing cannot increase his punishment
(c) He believes he is immortal
(d) He is referring to a previous escape from execution
Answer: (b) He has already been sentenced to death for murder, so another killing cannot increase his punishment
Q10. What tone does Gerrard use throughout the play when speaking to the intruder?
(a) Fearful and begging
(b) Angry and aggressive
(c) Calm, witty, and sarcastic
(d) Sad and resigned
Answer: (c) Calm, witty, and sarcastic
These ASSEB Class 9 English Beehive Chapter 11 “If I Were You” question answers cover all textbook exercises from Thinking about the Text and Thinking about Language, along with additional short and long answer questions and MCQs for thorough exam preparation. For more ASSEB Class 9 English solutions, visit hslcguru.com.